Thursday, April 06, 2006

A glimpse into what your future could look like......

So for those of you ever waiting for your referrals, I thought I would share what your future may look like.........

You know that nice spacious house you're living in? Add baby, high chair, walker, toys, play saucer and a few random other "things" and soon you'll feel like you're living in a two story Dorito bag. Expect this to also happen with your car.

Be prepared to have your floor in the kitchen "crunch". Yup that's right..."crunch". A few Cherrios here, a couple Gerber puffs there, throw in a some Wagon Wheels and be prepared to crunch. I now wear flip flops at all times (like I didn't before?) I don't have Fido to help clean up the food. Actually the last thing I need is something else in the house that poops. Therefore I have this.

So black looks good on you? Me too, minus the formula, oatmeal, baby food and sometimes milk. Ya see, black is good at covering up things that aren't white. Unfortunate for you, the formula is white, the milk is white and even the oatmeal is white enough to make you look like a walking napkin. Have a good sense of humor so that when you're in the car far enough away from home to drive back and change, you can laugh at the fact that you have enough food clinging to your shirt to feed a small army.

Most likely this next one will only last a short while as children adopted from China are not newborns. While standing in the mirror trying to remove the mascara from under your eyes, the same mascara that you actually took off before going to bed, just stop! It's not going anywhere. It's not even mascara....that crap is permanent. It's called the "I'm not sleeping and have a baby in the house" look. The one thing that compliments this look well, would be that black shirt with all the food on it!

You might find yourself standing while scratching your head (or your ass) and wondering, "Where the hell did all this laundry come from?" Go ahead check the house....no one else moved in except that 18 pound princess. There is no other family living in the house. You really arent' doing the neighbors laundry. All that S&@ is yours. The next question is..."does this S*#@ multiply while we're sleeping?" I know....I go through this same thing every day.

Oh and for the 1st time parents. Don't expect Mr. Fluffy Pants to like your new child. Mr Murph took one smell of Jessica and that was it. He now hides all day and waits to hear her door close after she's gone to sleep. We did have a dog at one point. That was till the dog decided she was scared shitless of the baby and wanted to nip at her.

One thing I can say positive about CCAA (actually there are many, just not pertaining to how long the wait has gotten) is they are preparing 1st time parents for the "real deal". Expect the unexpected. Nothing will ever go your way.

Case and point.
It took you a solid 2 weeks to finally put together a lunch date with the girls, good for you. Too bad baby So-n-So will refuse to take a nap. You have it all planned out. Little miss fancy panties will take a nap around 10am...you'll take an hour shower, put on that cute outfit minus all the food and have a great lunch with the girls. WRONG...this is the day (totally out of the blue) that peanut will not take a nap. Therefore that hour long shower will be cut to about 3 minutes. Don't worry, you'll make it to lunch. Only you'll have miss cranky panties in tow and look like you got only half dressed.

This is especially true when it come to professional pictures. I know all the 1st time parents are dreaming about all the pictures they'll finally get to hang on the walls. Let me tell ya, it never fails. The day you have an appointment for the pictures, she'll wake up with a stye and her eye will be swollen shut. Or she'll wake up on the wrong side of the crib and nothing in the world will make her smile. Laugh now...you'll see.

And then there's enjoying going out to dinner. You'll probably only have to experience the next scenario on some occasions. You'll get the privilege of ordering drinks, dinner, the check and a "to go" box in one foul swoop. "But what about the appetizers and dessert" you ask? The appetizer would have been that granola bar you ate on the way to the restaurant. After all, it's 5pm and you can't remember if you even ate breakfast. If you don't eat something you'll pass out before you even get to order. And dessert? That's all the food left on your childs plate who refuses to eat what you've ordered them.

Geez, Aimee you make it all sound bad. It's not "bad", it's called life! If you forgot how wonderful having children can be (or will be)read previous posts.

14 Comments:

At 4:14 PM, Blogger Jen said...

Totally cracking up. I will be a first-timer so I can laugh now. I have no idea. Hang in there and get a sitter for a dinner out with the girls. It will do you wonders...that's assuming she'll let you leave the house that day. :)

jen

 
At 5:05 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Ha Ha! That was funny! And so true(from what my friends tell me!)
I will try to enjoy every minute of the wait before our lives change forever. In a good way!

 
At 6:01 PM, Blogger Stephanie said...

Great advice (and totally true)!

 
At 8:58 PM, Blogger Joannah said...

Aimee - first thanks for visiting my blog and for understanding my frustrations. Second, your daughters are beautiful little girls. Your most recent post is funny, but I'm sure totally true. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it - 12 or 18 months from now...

 
At 9:15 PM, Blogger Jodie said...

LOL! Very funny...because it's TRUE! So why is it I can't wait to do it all over again. I better go buy some new flip flops! Oh and one of those vaccuum thingys too. ;-)

 
At 11:00 PM, Blogger ExCindrela said...

OMG, laughing so hard I'm crying. Totally true.

Now my kitchen and my living room crunch, I can do laundry 7 days, I am a master with concealer, I walk around humming the themes from Noggin shows, and I am caffiene dependant even worse than I was in college.

If you're in the wait: sleep all you can sleep, see every movie you can, have looooong romantic dinners, and don't get out of the shower until you have to!!

~Michelle
www.yoichoichoi.blogspot.com

 
At 11:21 PM, Blogger Shelley said...

Oh yes. I can relate. Shell

 
At 11:51 PM, Anonymous Lisa A said...

Just wait until both are potty trained and you need to venture to the restrooms at the mall cause they gotta go...and leave the food you just ordered at a random table!!!!! Really I am loving the toddler years :) Hope to see you soon Aimee! Lisa

 
At 6:12 AM, Blogger Kim said...

Oh crap, what am I gonna do? I ALREADY live in a small, ONE story Dorito bag! I can feel the walls closing in already. I'm doomed!

Kim

 
At 11:53 AM, Blogger Susan said...

So eloquent! My longest blog post in weeks comes while I sit at my desk at work. In the meantime, my mom's kitchen is going "crunch" with no Fido to gnaw up all the treasures fallen. I think it's very well written and you are so on your mark.

Love it!

Susan

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger Kim M. said...

Don't you love it? I wouldn't change it for anything in the world!!!!!

 
At 3:08 PM, Blogger Emily said...

I had to laugh...no..gufaw at the professional photo comment you made-- SO TRUE!! i just had my kids' done yesterday-- the night before, my sone woke up at 9 pm??? (NEVER HAPPENS) and wouldn't go back to sleep till midnight- so he slept in, which meant he didn't take his pre-planned morning nap- but he did smile, (Thank God!)

 
At 2:56 PM, Blogger Bee's Blog said...

Thank you so much, that was great. I have had some friends laugh at me when they come over to my house, as it is always clean and there is nothing baby in the house. I know it will all change, and that is why I am enjoying my wait for the referral. Thanks again.

 
At 8:17 AM, Blogger Gen said...

NOOOOOO!

I live in black...what the heck am I going to do???? I love this list because it is honest and direct, but oh so tragic for first timers like me. You have further motivated me to live it up now before the new little queen bee rules the roost.

Gen

 

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