Where the hell are the parents and when are they going to show up?

The past 48 hours in this house have been hellacious. Truly hellacious. I couldn't make this shit up. Long story short (read: longer)......... Saturday the girls were SO bad, we left the house about 3 in the afternoon and were headed anywhere. Anywhere they might not whine, cry, bitch, moan, antagonize each other, antagonize us, pull hair, demand shit, scream, throw rolls of toilet paper in the toilet and pretty much anywhere out in public where someone might stop us from killing ourselves or them. Three in the afternoon and we were at the dollar store on a blasted Saturday. Can you say Hell? An afternoon at the dollar store during the weekend where it was "butts to nuts" was actually better than being home.............starting to smell what I'm stepping in? Then we were home around 5pm, both girls were in the bath. Emma got a strange look on her face and my voice elevated fast..."Did you just go potty?"

That was it. The baby was in hysterics. Crazy crying. I had her butt on the potty and left Jessica with the floating turds. Phil having heard the commotion ran upstairs and rescued Jessica. Emma spent a few minutes throwing a temper tantrum in her crib while Phil showered off Jessica and I dressed myself (I had been taking a shower right next to the girls, while they were bathing). I went into Emma's room got her out of her crib, where she was screaming and crying so hard she couldn't breath. Jessica is flipping out...something about her stupid undies, and she couldn't' get them on. Somehow all 4 of us were in our bathroom, I start to cry as this was our 10th hour of this shit....when Phil looked at me and said,

"Get your ass in the closet" (we have a HUGE closet with two separate doors)

I'm in the closet..he's in closet and each of us is manning a door. Phil looks at me with a crazed look.

"what the fuck is going on here?"
"why are they doing this to us?"

I'm crying and laughing both at the same time. What they hell was going on? Somehow the parents ended up together hiding in the closet each manning doors.....not from a rapist, not from robbers....form a 1 and a 3 year old.

Both the girls were fed and put to bed early that night. Now you know why on Sunday we decided to drag them up to 5000 feet and have them hike. No way in hell were we going to go through "that" again.

Then today................oh gawd, today. I picked up Jess from school and surprise, surprise she was awful. She's been beyond awful since her new class. It's been so embarrassing, I can't even post about it. So tonight, Phil took Jess out for dinner...who knows, maybe she needs a little one on one time. Dinner was fine (although Phil complained that she can't hold a conversation....uh hello...she's 3). Then it was time to get ready for bed and holy shit.

Another long story short (read: longer). Mama finally got tired of the 3 year old bossing US around. She was headed to bed without brushing her teeth, after giving us plenty of sass. Phil decided he was going to put Jess to bed as she was freaking out over not brushing her teeth. I was putting Emma to sleep. For some unknown reason Emma starts screaming bloody murder in my face. I can hear Phil struggling with Jessica, and that was it. I put Emma down on the floor and marched straight into Jessica's room . Time to set the record straight, who's boss...and it's not the 3 year old. I shut the door behind me as I don't ever reprimand Jessica in front of Emma. I told Jess, to get into bed and to stay quite. I went to leave and oh crap! I just locked us all in Jessica's bedroom. We had switched the lock around (to lock her in) on Jessica's bedroom when we left for China. At that time, she was great at climbing out of her crib and we were afraid she might fall down the stairs(we had just moved into a two story house and she had never seen stairs). So her lock works on the outside and was done as a way to keep her safe and we've never taken the lock off.

Panic set in. I'm trying to pick the lock, Phil is pacing starting to get worried, Emma is beating down Jessica's door trying to get in while screaming, Jessica seeing us worried and hearing Emma screaming, starts to have a melt down. Now what?

Phil called the neighbor on his cell phone and said,
"You're not going to believe this, we just locked ourselves in Jessica's room and Emma's outside the door freaking out. Can you please come in through the back door and let us out?"

Now lets stop for a second....once again, what the hell was going on???

Within minutes our neighbor was at Jessica's door and let us out. Poor guy. His eyes were as big as saucers and you could read his mind. "These people are fuckin' nuts!"
His wife is due in less than 3 weeks with their first child. Phil thanked him and then also reminded him that he was looking into his future. Not saying much, he let himself out through the front door.

The hogettes are asleep, we have each indulged in adult beverages to calm the nerves and we both are still feeling like, "Where the hell are the parents and when are they going to show up?"

I know you appreciate posts with pictures, but trust me on this one folks....you really don't want to see....you really don't.

The Hogettes go Hiking

Sorry for the lack of posts. I spent the greater part of the past week in bed on pain pills. Whoever said that they were flouncing around the house after laparascopy surgery was either full of shit or had waaaaaay better pain pills than I was given. Actually I'll fill you in later as my final appointment is tomorrow with the OBGYN to go over what the diagnostic pictures of innards look like, and to come up with a plan as to what we're going to do. I know, I know, I'm just as sick of hearing myself spew about this as you are, trust me. After spending way too many days in bed, it was time to get out!!! We took the hogettes hiking.

Please say someone is going to pick up this backpack

Rip, roaring and ready to go

My new backpack isn't half bad

Mommy and her cute little hiker

When asked, Hogette #1 said, "Summit or bust"

Along the Summit trail.....quick break for a snack. After all, we call them the Hogettes for a reason

Nance Family

Jessica did awesome. We didn't exactly make it all the way up the Summit trail as it was more than 2 miles and most of it was straight up.

Phil laughed at himself, as he felt weighed down with 60 pounds of pure Hogette. How did he ever used to slap 90 pounds on his back and take 12 teenagers out in the woods for 3 weeks straight? Oh ya, that was 10 years ago.

We decided to stop hiking when Jessica said she wanted "Lamby Pie".....poor kids was a wee bit tired.

Her first time hiking Jessica was good for a little more than 2 miles a good portion was straight up.

Tuckered out Hogettes having yet another snack before heading back home.

We had a blast and are encouraged that we can do this again

Click here for more photos

Not exactly what I had in mind for today, but I'm at least 500.00 richer

With a few goals in mind; sell leather sectional couch so that Phil can get his car in the garage plus use the money from the couch to pay neighbors for the bar and stools they gave us earlier this summer.....what else, but have a yard sale. Typically my idea of a yard sale is to call salvation army and tell them to "come and get it". But we really did have decent stuff to get rid of (minus the hideous chair I'm sitting in, which now has a FREE sign on it).

Phil sporting the sexy Lowe's money belt

This is what happens when the 3 year old gets a little too sassy while mom and dad are busy trying to sell off their crap.

We were up at 6am and Phil dashed out to put out my "crappy" signs (I've been taken it in the ear all morning about how awful my floppy signs were) by the time Phil got back around 6:20 I had sold almost all the "good stuff". Keep in mind that the sale wasn't to start till 7am. Well it's a little after noon and I'm hunkered down with my 500 bucks getting ready to watch hours of college football :) Not bad, not bad at all

Would someone please inform our mother that Halloween is over a month away!!!!

Ok, so let it be known, I'm a huge wussy. The scope down the throat was no big deal at all. My throat never hurt for a second. No uclers either, just a biopsy because I have an "inflamed stomach".

I feel a soar throat coming on...........

Later today, I am off to the GI doctor for an esophagogastroduodenoscopy (admit it, you're impressed with this word..and that I spelled it correctly). This is where they are sticking a scope down through my mouth and into my stomach to see if I have an ulcer. This was recommended by the OBGYN. Before he starts cutting out lady parts he wants to be sure I've covered my bases. I feel a sore throat coming on because it just has to hurt, pulling a scope back out through my throat, that's what I am preparing for at least. What I'm a little worried about is being put under. The last time this happened, I was about 8 and had my tonsils taken out. Actually back then I wasn't too scared. If I remember correctly it was Eric Piercy who brought his floating tonsils in a mason jar to school for "show and tell". I mean really how bad could it be? Not only did he live to tell about it, he had the tonsils, in a jar. I decided to forfeit my tonsils to the hospital, I mean really, how many floating tonsils do kids need to see in one school year for "show and tell"? I'm 31 years old and I'm still talking about his!


Then Wens. I have a pre-op appointment for the laparoscopy appointment I have next Monday. Wensday, I figure out more about the appoinment for next Monday and come up with a game plan.




Oh wait, Thursday I have a dentist appointment to finally put my crown back on......maybe. Here's a long story, even longer. About 3 or so years ago, while talking to Phil half of my back molar fell out. In a hurry I chose a crappy dentist. This crappy dentist put a silver and porcelain crown on. Not two years later while in China eating a pot sticker, this crown fell out. Because the crown was guaranteed for 5 years, I get a new one for FREE. Here's the problem, between the time they fit me for a new crown and last week, more of my back molar fell out.OK, stop questioning me. YES, I do brush my teeth and I even floss for good measure. I blame my mother for this. It's her bad tooth gene that has plagued my entire mouth! I know what you're thinking.... with all your teeth falling out maybe you should be a carney. Hey, don't think I haven't thought about it. If Phil's whole new business thing doesn't work out, I will be 'The Toothless Wonder' at your local fair, attempting to twist balloons into some sort of animal.

It's great that Phil is working from home. While Emma is taking a nap I can dash out to all the different appointments. It's race against the clock. Our new insurance kicks in October 1st. Having been self employed before and having delt with insurance companies before, I learned my lesson. If you so much as claim you've had a hang nail sometime in the past 5 years they will deny you faster than you can say deny. So needless to say (this would be where any of you working for health insurance companies can stop reading) I haven't been totally honest about the fact that I spent more time at the OBGYN's office than the beach this summer. If any surgery or other big appointment is going to happen...times a ticken' and I need to be seen NOW. And really I haven't been feeling that bad. I still get bouts of nausea where I can't eat a thing. And then every now and then I get the horrible pelvic pain. So, who knows?

Never to be forgotten..........

Back in the saddle again.....................

I'm here, are you? Sure hope that's not the sound of crickets.. Well let's see. Awhile back Phil opened is paycheck and about burst into tears. No, not those tear...like you just won the lottery. The tears like, "What the hell is this shit? I just got done working how hard, for this? Are they kidding me? Are they outta their frickin minds? I'm so outta here!" And that was it. Time to quit being a manager for a major mortgage company (read: Wells Fargo) and go back to being self employed. Only this time, it's a bit trickier. We didn't feel like he could successfully make this move without his assistant, which meant she too would have to quit. Convincing a single mom of 2 to give up a steady paycheck and benefits, isn't the easiest of tasks. Long story, short....last week Wells Fargo all but emptied out and we now have people working out of our upstairs. I know, glamorous life....you wish this were you.

So it's been nuts. "Helping" people with their real estate tests, buying laptops, installing software, getting PO boxes, ordering business cards and of course trying to figure out how everyone is going to support themselves now that we're all 100% commission and it's not like we all had tons of money working for Wells. Oh ya and the best part, not letting Wells Fargo know about any of this till we were all "ready" to leave. The goal; come spring we would like to be up and running with our own "real" office space in town and a few employees.

A week before the big employment move, Phil's grandmother was sent to hospice. Phil quickly boarded a plan for South Carolina and was with his family for almost a full week. Thankfully Phil was able to attend the funeral before heading home. The world lost a wonderful woman the day Cora Lee passed. She's the type of person who carried more class in her pinky finger than most of use do in our whole body. They just don't make people like Cora Lee anymore. To know Cora Lee was to love Cora Lee. It was awful without Phil here. Actually the girls took it pretty easy on me, but whoa was I bored and outta sorts.

This is what else is happening around here; College Football. We LOVE college football and are avid Oregon Duck fans. This would be Phil using my foam finger to flip me off. You would think after parking his rump on the couch and watching hours of football while enjoying cold frothy beers, he would be in a better mood. Oh well :)

Here's a wonderful thing happening around here. Phil's assistant loves to babysit. Well what do ya know, I love to have my kids babysat while I enjoy adult time. This would be us while we enjoyed a full night out. Yes folks that's 24 glorious hours of just us (I can't even type this without a shit eatin' grin on my face). We started out at the Del Mar horse races where we probably would have had more fun just standing over the toilet and watching our money swirl down. Oh well. Then it was off to The W hotel. We cruised the gaslamp district for dinner and then drinks. While enjoying libations we laughed at a bachelorette party. I dared Phil to take his shirt off and run into the crowd of screaming girls. Guess he hadn't had enough $9.00 vodka tonics, as he turned me down. One of the biggest laughs, was hearing Joan Jett's blaring, 'I love Rock N Roll". You know, the song that goes

I love rock n' roll

So put another dime in the jukebox, baby

I love rock n' roll

So come an' take your time an' dance with me

This would be about when we both felt 200 years old. Hmmmmm a "dime" for the jukebox? Try C-note. Jukebox? Dear gawd, do they make those anymore?

After that it was back to the hotel for their own awesome bar. On top of the roof at The W, they have a sand bar. The entire floor is about 2-3 inches thick of sand...heated, of course.

Just this Tuesday was Jessica's first day back at preschool again. We're starting to wonder how this kids is going to manage a backpack full of books when her lunch box alone weighs 85 pounds. And just like every dainty little princess heading out for her first day of school, the fake lizard was in tote.

Among other things, Jessica received a cute pink bicycle for her birthday. This picture about sums it up, "stay outta my way, or I'll run you over!"







We've spent a little time at the beach. Jessica was sharing some of her crabs with Emma.










Oh ya, Pluto is no longer a planet, say what? Who the hell decided this one? I mean take away that Michael Jackson is a man, and we can all agree...no scientist needed. But taking away planetship (did I just make up a word here) isn't that a little harsh? I'm going to guess that most of the scientists that voted to make this decision were men. It's been said that Pluto is no longer a planet, due to the "lack of it's size". Why don't we just get Pluto one of those huge jacked up trucks to compensate for the "lack of size"...seems to work for men. I guess when all the teachers get to the part in the textbook that claim Pluto is the ninth planet in the solar system, kids can pull out their sharpies and just scratch that part out. If it's that easy to rid something that's been in existence for so long, can't we just get rid of Bush?

So that's it..just working on figuring out how to make money appear out of the sky, convincing people that the grass truly is greener somewhere else and trying to enjoy adult life.