Where the hell are the parents and when are they going to show up?

The past 48 hours in this house have been hellacious. Truly hellacious. I couldn't make this shit up. Long story short (read: longer)......... Saturday the girls were SO bad, we left the house about 3 in the afternoon and were headed anywhere. Anywhere they might not whine, cry, bitch, moan, antagonize each other, antagonize us, pull hair, demand shit, scream, throw rolls of toilet paper in the toilet and pretty much anywhere out in public where someone might stop us from killing ourselves or them. Three in the afternoon and we were at the dollar store on a blasted Saturday. Can you say Hell? An afternoon at the dollar store during the weekend where it was "butts to nuts" was actually better than being home.............starting to smell what I'm stepping in? Then we were home around 5pm, both girls were in the bath. Emma got a strange look on her face and my voice elevated fast..."Did you just go potty?"

That was it. The baby was in hysterics. Crazy crying. I had her butt on the potty and left Jessica with the floating turds. Phil having heard the commotion ran upstairs and rescued Jessica. Emma spent a few minutes throwing a temper tantrum in her crib while Phil showered off Jessica and I dressed myself (I had been taking a shower right next to the girls, while they were bathing). I went into Emma's room got her out of her crib, where she was screaming and crying so hard she couldn't breath. Jessica is flipping out...something about her stupid undies, and she couldn't' get them on. Somehow all 4 of us were in our bathroom, I start to cry as this was our 10th hour of this shit....when Phil looked at me and said,

"Get your ass in the closet" (we have a HUGE closet with two separate doors)

I'm in the closet..he's in closet and each of us is manning a door. Phil looks at me with a crazed look.

"what the fuck is going on here?"
"why are they doing this to us?"

I'm crying and laughing both at the same time. What they hell was going on? Somehow the parents ended up together hiding in the closet each manning doors.....not from a rapist, not from robbers....form a 1 and a 3 year old.

Both the girls were fed and put to bed early that night. Now you know why on Sunday we decided to drag them up to 5000 feet and have them hike. No way in hell were we going to go through "that" again.

Then today................oh gawd, today. I picked up Jess from school and surprise, surprise she was awful. She's been beyond awful since her new class. It's been so embarrassing, I can't even post about it. So tonight, Phil took Jess out for dinner...who knows, maybe she needs a little one on one time. Dinner was fine (although Phil complained that she can't hold a conversation....uh hello...she's 3). Then it was time to get ready for bed and holy shit.

Another long story short (read: longer). Mama finally got tired of the 3 year old bossing US around. She was headed to bed without brushing her teeth, after giving us plenty of sass. Phil decided he was going to put Jess to bed as she was freaking out over not brushing her teeth. I was putting Emma to sleep. For some unknown reason Emma starts screaming bloody murder in my face. I can hear Phil struggling with Jessica, and that was it. I put Emma down on the floor and marched straight into Jessica's room . Time to set the record straight, who's boss...and it's not the 3 year old. I shut the door behind me as I don't ever reprimand Jessica in front of Emma. I told Jess, to get into bed and to stay quite. I went to leave and oh crap! I just locked us all in Jessica's bedroom. We had switched the lock around (to lock her in) on Jessica's bedroom when we left for China. At that time, she was great at climbing out of her crib and we were afraid she might fall down the stairs(we had just moved into a two story house and she had never seen stairs). So her lock works on the outside and was done as a way to keep her safe and we've never taken the lock off.

Panic set in. I'm trying to pick the lock, Phil is pacing starting to get worried, Emma is beating down Jessica's door trying to get in while screaming, Jessica seeing us worried and hearing Emma screaming, starts to have a melt down. Now what?

Phil called the neighbor on his cell phone and said,
"You're not going to believe this, we just locked ourselves in Jessica's room and Emma's outside the door freaking out. Can you please come in through the back door and let us out?"

Now lets stop for a second....once again, what the hell was going on???

Within minutes our neighbor was at Jessica's door and let us out. Poor guy. His eyes were as big as saucers and you could read his mind. "These people are fuckin' nuts!"
His wife is due in less than 3 weeks with their first child. Phil thanked him and then also reminded him that he was looking into his future. Not saying much, he let himself out through the front door.

The hogettes are asleep, we have each indulged in adult beverages to calm the nerves and we both are still feeling like, "Where the hell are the parents and when are they going to show up?"

I know you appreciate posts with pictures, but trust me on this one folks....you really don't want to see....you really don't.