Monday, September 25, 2006

Where the hell are the parents and when are they going to show up?

The past 48 hours in this house have been hellacious. Truly hellacious. I couldn't make this shit up. Long story short (read: longer)......... Saturday the girls were SO bad, we left the house about 3 in the afternoon and were headed anywhere. Anywhere they might not whine, cry, bitch, moan, antagonize each other, antagonize us, pull hair, demand shit, scream, throw rolls of toilet paper in the toilet and pretty much anywhere out in public where someone might stop us from killing ourselves or them. Three in the afternoon and we were at the dollar store on a blasted Saturday. Can you say Hell? An afternoon at the dollar store during the weekend where it was "butts to nuts" was actually better than being home.............starting to smell what I'm stepping in? Then we were home around 5pm, both girls were in the bath. Emma got a strange look on her face and my voice elevated fast..."Did you just go potty?"

That was it. The baby was in hysterics. Crazy crying. I had her butt on the potty and left Jessica with the floating turds. Phil having heard the commotion ran upstairs and rescued Jessica. Emma spent a few minutes throwing a temper tantrum in her crib while Phil showered off Jessica and I dressed myself (I had been taking a shower right next to the girls, while they were bathing). I went into Emma's room got her out of her crib, where she was screaming and crying so hard she couldn't breath. Jessica is flipping out...something about her stupid undies, and she couldn't' get them on. Somehow all 4 of us were in our bathroom, I start to cry as this was our 10th hour of this shit....when Phil looked at me and said,

"Get your ass in the closet" (we have a HUGE closet with two separate doors)

I'm in the closet..he's in closet and each of us is manning a door. Phil looks at me with a crazed look.

"what the fuck is going on here?"
"why are they doing this to us?"

I'm crying and laughing both at the same time. What they hell was going on? Somehow the parents ended up together hiding in the closet each manning doors.....not from a rapist, not from robbers....form a 1 and a 3 year old.

Both the girls were fed and put to bed early that night. Now you know why on Sunday we decided to drag them up to 5000 feet and have them hike. No way in hell were we going to go through "that" again.

Then today................oh gawd, today. I picked up Jess from school and surprise, surprise she was awful. She's been beyond awful since her new class. It's been so embarrassing, I can't even post about it. So tonight, Phil took Jess out for dinner...who knows, maybe she needs a little one on one time. Dinner was fine (although Phil complained that she can't hold a conversation....uh hello...she's 3). Then it was time to get ready for bed and holy shit.

Another long story short (read: longer). Mama finally got tired of the 3 year old bossing US around. She was headed to bed without brushing her teeth, after giving us plenty of sass. Phil decided he was going to put Jess to bed as she was freaking out over not brushing her teeth. I was putting Emma to sleep. For some unknown reason Emma starts screaming bloody murder in my face. I can hear Phil struggling with Jessica, and that was it. I put Emma down on the floor and marched straight into Jessica's room . Time to set the record straight, who's boss...and it's not the 3 year old. I shut the door behind me as I don't ever reprimand Jessica in front of Emma. I told Jess, to get into bed and to stay quite. I went to leave and oh crap! I just locked us all in Jessica's bedroom. We had switched the lock around (to lock her in) on Jessica's bedroom when we left for China. At that time, she was great at climbing out of her crib and we were afraid she might fall down the stairs(we had just moved into a two story house and she had never seen stairs). So her lock works on the outside and was done as a way to keep her safe and we've never taken the lock off.

Panic set in. I'm trying to pick the lock, Phil is pacing starting to get worried, Emma is beating down Jessica's door trying to get in while screaming, Jessica seeing us worried and hearing Emma screaming, starts to have a melt down. Now what?

Phil called the neighbor on his cell phone and said,
"You're not going to believe this, we just locked ourselves in Jessica's room and Emma's outside the door freaking out. Can you please come in through the back door and let us out?"

Now lets stop for a second....once again, what the hell was going on???

Within minutes our neighbor was at Jessica's door and let us out. Poor guy. His eyes were as big as saucers and you could read his mind. "These people are fuckin' nuts!"
His wife is due in less than 3 weeks with their first child. Phil thanked him and then also reminded him that he was looking into his future. Not saying much, he let himself out through the front door.

The hogettes are asleep, we have each indulged in adult beverages to calm the nerves and we both are still feeling like, "Where the hell are the parents and when are they going to show up?"

I know you appreciate posts with pictures, but trust me on this one really don't want to really don't.


At 6:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nobody told me there'd be days like this.

Yup, there are days like that Aimee. Hang in there. Try to limit any extra activities even though it feels counter intuitive. Maybe you all just need some quiet time (easier said than done, I know).

At 6:56 AM, Blogger Connie said...

Holy Mac! This post gives me the freaky-deakies ;0) Save my sanity by letting me know that these were some unusually crazy days....not the norm.

I probably have the saucer eyes your neighbor had. We're in for an awakening!

At 7:31 AM, Blogger Stacey Teague said...

Oh my gosh, Amy, you needed more then one drink, that's for sure!!!

Did Jess ever poop in the tub? Austin NEVER did, but Ryleigh just did the other day, I was SHOCKED!!!! I kept yelling "You pooped in the tub!!!"....

Today will be better, hopefully!!!

At 9:16 AM, Blogger Beth said...

That just plain ass sucks. I am so sorry you had to go through all that and while healing no less. There must be a full moon somewhere. Hope things are better today.

At 11:40 AM, Blogger Koli's Mom said...

Aimee I am so sorry. I can't imagine what the last few days have been like for your family. Here's hoping the rest of this week is better.

At 1:11 PM, Blogger Dunn Family said...

That is why they invented vicoden. You still have some right?
Go ahead, take some...I'm

OK, you're back.

Guess what. It happens to all of us, I, personally, think it is a test!
Hiding in the closet...good one! It is all about remembering what happened..and what your plan is when it happens again, because, it will happen again! Those darn kids stick together.
Hang in there!

At 3:48 PM, Blogger Gracencameronsmomy said...

OH MY GOD! You just descried my worst day! I am sorry that it actuallt makes me feel better! Kids are HARD. I have to say ot again HARD! Hang in There. And stock up on wine.

At 3:50 PM, Blogger Gracencameronsmomy said...

God, i need to check my spelling! I meant "Described" and "actually" and "it".

At 5:06 PM, Blogger Joannah said...

Oh, my goodness! At least you have Phil!

I NEED a husband!

At 6:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This sounds like our house!! Alexa has done the exact same thing in the tub! And the way you described Emma crying.......I have felt your pain. Hang on it's a loooooong ride :) Lisa

At 6:57 PM, Blogger Colleen said...

Oh holy crap!! From my side that was one of the funniest posts! I know it was not funny on your end...but the closet thing was way too funny! Yup - adult beverages must be had in times like those.

At 7:20 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Ummm..I'm going to pretend I never read this post and stay in denial, because you are scaring the crap out of me. La la la....I can't hear you!

At 8:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Time to break out the Fucking cattle prod !!!!!!!!

At 12:36 PM, Blogger jaj said...

Someday you're going to look back on this and 20 years from now...but it will happen.

We haven't had the poop in the tub (other stuff though) but we have hid from the boys just for a few minutes to regain our sanity.

Tomorrow is a new day.

At 8:42 PM, Blogger Jenny said...

We called them melt downs!! It always seemed when one kid would melt down the other would join in. There have been days when I have locked myself in the bathroom and turned on the water so I couldn't hear the screaming kids! Of course there have been days that I have been reduced to tears because of the lovely little offspring. Oh the joys of parenting! These kinds of moments do fade as they get older but until then may I recommend a case of Mikes Hard Lemonaide!
Jenny V

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